Do you dread networking events and small talk?
Maybe you’ve been told you are hard to talk to or you struggle to get past the “where are you from, what do you do” conversation that ends in an awkward silence.
Whether you are a dairy producer or a professional serving the dairy community, if this is you, keep reading.
I’m about to give you a mini-master class in how to have incredible, meaningful conversations that will transform your relationships in both your professional life and your personal life.
This is from a list of tips I shared with the Young Dairy Leaders Institute (YDLI) earlier this year, and my personal cliff notes from interviewing more than 1,200 people over my 20-year career as a journalist and podcaster, combined with professional resources and science-based research.
In Dale Carnegie’s famous book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” he said the most basic human desire is to feel important. What does it take to make someone feel important? It takes creating a space for them to feel seen, heard and understood. If you can accomplish this, your conversations and relationships will reach an entirely new level.
How, you might ask?
Use these three C’s to become a person others want to talk to:
Charisma:
Gestures, facial expressions, body language — this is what makes up 82% of our first impressions and have nothing to do with the words we say. How we stand, how we move sends a message without saying a word.
Here are a few tweaks to up your charisma and exude a level of warmth and openness:
1. Show your palms. A wave or standing with hands in a triangle pose with palms showing is a subconscious cue that you are non-threatening.
2. “Up” face. Be conscientious of the corners of your mouth. That slight smile goes miles.
3. When one-on-one: Angle your full body and toes toward the person you are talking to.
4. In a room: Stand with toes angled outward, do not block your chest. This signals openness to conversation.
5. Eye contact: Aim for 60% to 70% of conversation while looking someone in the eye.
Curiosity:
Ask these open-ended, thought-provoking questions to go beyond the surface level:
Working on anything exciting lately?
What are your big goals right now?
What’s it going to take to get there?
Cues:
Make someone feel seen and heard by giving them the opportunity to talk. If at a table, lean back in listening mode to give the other person non-verbal permission to keep talking. Give a slow nod to acknowledge that you hear them and encourage them to continue to open up. Repeat back what they are saying to show they are understood.
If you put a few of these tips into practice, you might just find that the most incredible conversations where you learn the most are the ones where you speak the least.
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